Somewhere I haven’t been before

First things first! Thank you for stopping by my blog today. If you’re feeling of a generous heart, I have  cause that is rather important to me.

One of my best friends is a school counselor in Bridgeport, CT. She is trying to raise funds for the graduating 8th grade class so that every child has the chance to participate in the graduation festivities (Class trip to NYC, caps and gowns for the ceremony, and a graduation banquet). It’s approximately $80/ child to participate in all 3. If you would like to donate, please follow this link to the GoFundme Page. Thank you for your consideration and generosity!

As much wanderlust as I have,
I’m finding it satiated in my current environment.

I’m dog/house sitting for someone- living completely alone for the first time in my life. It’s only for 5 days, but this is without a doubt a precursor of what is to come when I move out in a few months on my own.

Last night was the first night, and my companion (Finley!) was absolutely awesome. I came to the house, settled in, and for the first time in my life, I was quiet (shocker to everyone who knows me, because I am not a quiet person).

I was quiet and a bit cut off and it was nice.

This morning, I took care of my charge (the dog’s needs come first!) and then made breakfast. I used a perk coffee pot (old school!) and didn’t mess it up, and just sat outside, enjoying the morning.

The house is positioned on a hill, and the back yard drops off to a cliff side. The view of the upper parts of the trees is gorgeous at sunset; the warm glow of the sun and sky splash the trees with the most beautiful color I’ve ever seen.

I’ve made sure to pack plenty of books, and with my quietness, will probably write for the first time with complete clarity.

Also this week, I became privy to some very high profile dating advice, the kind that people pay a lot for. Through another’s generosity, I was able to watch a bunch of great videos that broke my dating ideals wide open.

One example the advisor gave really struck me over the head (well, lots of his advice did that) but this piece in particular is what I’ve been turning over in my head this morning.

He asked the audience if they’d ever seen someone try to play dolls with a little girl (Hi- I had Barbie’s until I was like 12). He observed that most times when someone played Barbies with a little girl, that she would say something to the effect of, “No, Barbie doesn’t sit there, she doesn’t do it like that, YOU’RE NOT PLAYING RIGHT!”

It was like a cartoon anvil fell on my head.

That has been me, in every single relationship- I have an idea in my head of what is suppose to happen, and while I’m not communicating it, I’m expecting the other person to just know how to play their part. And that isn’t entirely fair on my part.

How will I ever expect someone to sustain if I don’t communicate effectively with them? Maybe they are playing right- they’re playing the way they know how, which might be exactly what is desired, just in a different form.

I was never a huge Sex and the City fan (but I’ve been meaning to borrow the dvds from my cousin who is the ULTIMATE Sex and the City Fan), but I know enough to know that my last relationship was akin to that of Carrie and Mr. Big. (on again off again, crazy, inconvenient and don’t want to-live-without-you love, at least from my perspective).

Call it “being human” but I feel like a relationship surgeon, like the Cristina Yang of relationships. I feel like I can look back on what transpired and pluck out the exact moment when it got fucked up, and what I could have done differently. Its something that up until the dating advice, I was dwelling on.

Then I realized what I’ve always known- whatever is meant to be will find its way. That much in my life has always been a constant truth. I didn’t do it right this time, but next time looks really promising from here. I cannot control anything but myself, and I think that is the work that I need to do.

To borrow from Richard from Texas in Eat, Pray, Love, “You need to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

In the past few months alone, I’ve read a ton of books. Since last year, I have gotten back into reading, and it’s absolutely amazing. I feel that through reading, I have some of the answers needed to navigate my life. I just need to start incorporating more quiet time to let them plant more firmly and blossom.


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