Somewhere I haven’t been before

First things first! Thank you for stopping by my blog today. If you’re feeling of a generous heart, I have  cause that is rather important to me.

One of my best friends is a school counselor in Bridgeport, CT. She is trying to raise funds for the graduating 8th grade class so that every child has the chance to participate in the graduation festivities (Class trip to NYC, caps and gowns for the ceremony, and a graduation banquet). It’s approximately $80/ child to participate in all 3. If you would like to donate, please follow this link to the GoFundme Page. Thank you for your consideration and generosity!

As much wanderlust as I have,
I’m finding it satiated in my current environment.

I’m dog/house sitting for someone- living completely alone for the first time in my life. It’s only for 5 days, but this is without a doubt a precursor of what is to come when I move out in a few months on my own.

Last night was the first night, and my companion (Finley!) was absolutely awesome. I came to the house, settled in, and for the first time in my life, I was quiet (shocker to everyone who knows me, because I am not a quiet person).

I was quiet and a bit cut off and it was nice.

This morning, I took care of my charge (the dog’s needs come first!) and then made breakfast. I used a perk coffee pot (old school!) and didn’t mess it up, and just sat outside, enjoying the morning.

The house is positioned on a hill, and the back yard drops off to a cliff side. The view of the upper parts of the trees is gorgeous at sunset; the warm glow of the sun and sky splash the trees with the most beautiful color I’ve ever seen.

I’ve made sure to pack plenty of books, and with my quietness, will probably write for the first time with complete clarity.

Also this week, I became privy to some very high profile dating advice, the kind that people pay a lot for. Through another’s generosity, I was able to watch a bunch of great videos that broke my dating ideals wide open.

One example the advisor gave really struck me over the head (well, lots of his advice did that) but this piece in particular is what I’ve been turning over in my head this morning.

He asked the audience if they’d ever seen someone try to play dolls with a little girl (Hi- I had Barbie’s until I was like 12). He observed that most times when someone played Barbies with a little girl, that she would say something to the effect of, “No, Barbie doesn’t sit there, she doesn’t do it like that, YOU’RE NOT PLAYING RIGHT!”

It was like a cartoon anvil fell on my head.

That has been me, in every single relationship- I have an idea in my head of what is suppose to happen, and while I’m not communicating it, I’m expecting the other person to just know how to play their part. And that isn’t entirely fair on my part.

How will I ever expect someone to sustain if I don’t communicate effectively with them? Maybe they are playing right- they’re playing the way they know how, which might be exactly what is desired, just in a different form.

I was never a huge Sex and the City fan (but I’ve been meaning to borrow the dvds from my cousin who is the ULTIMATE Sex and the City Fan), but I know enough to know that my last relationship was akin to that of Carrie and Mr. Big. (on again off again, crazy, inconvenient and don’t want to-live-without-you love, at least from my perspective).

Call it “being human” but I feel like a relationship surgeon, like the Cristina Yang of relationships. I feel like I can look back on what transpired and pluck out the exact moment when it got fucked up, and what I could have done differently. Its something that up until the dating advice, I was dwelling on.

Then I realized what I’ve always known- whatever is meant to be will find its way. That much in my life has always been a constant truth. I didn’t do it right this time, but next time looks really promising from here. I cannot control anything but myself, and I think that is the work that I need to do.

To borrow from Richard from Texas in Eat, Pray, Love, “You need to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

In the past few months alone, I’ve read a ton of books. Since last year, I have gotten back into reading, and it’s absolutely amazing. I feel that through reading, I have some of the answers needed to navigate my life. I just need to start incorporating more quiet time to let them plant more firmly and blossom.

Are you high? You just look so happy!

The title of this blog are words that were actually spoken to me today.

I wasn’t high (for the record). I was, however, extremely happy.

For starters, one of my favorite songs from Sia’s album 1000 Forms of Fear, now has a music video and my god it lives up to its name- Fire Meet Gasoline. I’ve loved the song for months and the video is HOTTTTTTT. Plus, it has Heidi Klum and Pedro Pascal, which just makes it all the more amazing. It’s one of those songs that will forever remind me of the last guy I dated- that song definitely described our chemistry. It’s a great song.

In other news that rocks my socks off, Nick Offerman has written another book! And I nearly flew to the moon when I got the Barnes and Noble email this morning. My trigger finger pulled and I bought the book in minutes flat. I’m appropriately and slightly inappropriately excited for May 26th. (Hence why someone thought I was high- they saw me right after I’d bought the book).

Plus, I saw some pay off from things at work, which is going extraordinarily well, and I am elated for a sunny weekend I can spend outside. Things I’ve been putting out into the Universe are coming to fruition in their own time, and I couldn’t be happier.

It’s times like this that I really need to remember the next time I embark into a relationship with someone- they are not responsible for my happiness, I am. I am in control of myself, my feelings, my emotions. This is my greatest challenge I think; not putting my happiness in the hands of another person, and taking onus of it myself. That way, regardless of what someone else does, I will always be able to make the choice to do what brings me joy and contentment.

Friday Play List #2

It’s Friiiiiiiiiddddaaaayyyyy!

I don’t know about you, but it’s got me feeling like

mighty ducks

So as promised, here is my playlist from this past week.

Fire Meet Gasoline, Sia – Album: 1000 forms of fear *The video for this song came out today (or yesterday) and it’s everything. Absolutely everything I have ever wanted in a music video. Hits you right in the feels.  I’ve been jamming to the song for weeks at the gym, and in the car, but this song is definitely my #1 today.

The Kids, B.o.B. (feat. Janelle Monáe)- Album : The Adventures of Bobby Ray

Wild Heart, Bleachers- Album Strange Desire

Walkashame, Meghan Trainor, Album: Title

Madness, Muse : Album The 2nd Law

Fooled around and Fell in Love, Elvin Bishop- Album: Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack (i’ve been playing this soundtrack a lot lately, so much good music).

Like Real People Do, Hozier- Album: Hozier

The Walker, Fitz and the Tantrums- Album More than Just a Dream (awesome song, even if the radio tried to kill it).

Can’t Pin me Down, Marina and the Diamonds- Album: Froot *(I love her music, electra heart is another great album as well as family jewels).

Pray to God, Calvin Harris (Feat. HAIM)- Album:Motion *(LOOOOOOOVE HAIM)

Wishing everyone an awesome weekend, good tunes and some sunshine!

Friday Playlist

Music is an everyday absolute necessity. Whether I’m going to work out, walking on my lunch to get coffee, driving in the car, etc, there is always music.

My library has recently passed the 5,000 song mark. I’m quite picky with my music, but still manage to have a range from current top 40 pop to indie folk to metal to classical. It all depends on what kind of mood I’m in. Obscure is good, weird is even better, danceable is the best, but so is vibey music (definition: music you can just sit down and chill with).

I want to keep blogging, and with the worry of becoming too one note (pun!) I wanted to instill a weekly play list. As of late, I’ve also been missing my college DJ days where i got to make a playlist every week. The best is when I get to turn people onto new music that they then enjoy (plz see blog about The Still Tide).

So this week’s playlist sounds like this:

In the Sea by Ingrid Michaelson, Album: Human Again

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye by David Gray, Album : White Ladder

The Water in the Pipes by The Kissing Club Album : Hooks

Sing by Travis, Album: Singles

Signs by Bloc Party, Album : Intimacy

Beating Heart by Elle Goulding Album: Divergent Soundtrack

Different Names for the Same Thing by Death Cab for Cutie, Album: Plans

The Curse by Josh Ritter, Album: So Runs the World Away

Closer Apart by The Still Tide, Album: Half Empty Rooms

Through My Teeth by Yet Cut Breath Album : Hinges

Sidekick by Walk the Moon, Album: Talking is Hard

These are just songs I’ve listening to at length this week, or songs that came on that stood out. I’ll try to keep it fresh every week for ya! I hope you’ll look some up and enjoy.

Yet Cut Breath Hinges on this Tindered heart in a Half Empty Room

I awoke this morning to my companion leaping from the bed and dashing for the door. Startled, I roused and opened the door for him to escape. This is pretty much par for the course, as Finley usually excuses himself this time every morning. He exited in a flurry of fur. Still exhausted, I fell back into my sheets and slept a bit more. Upon waking a second time, my faithful companion had returned, and was quietly snoring at my feet.

Coffee was a must. I grabbed the book I had been trying to read all week and sat down. After 4 pages, I realized I wasn’t paying attention- I was still reeling from last night, and couldn’t fight the need to write it down.

The lovely Brittany Sanchez (of Sanchez Family of Two blog- link on the side  of my page) and I embarked on her first Brooklyn adventure last night. Scurrying from work half an hour early, we caught the train and our night began. Fortunate enough to have our paths cross when we were hired 7 months ago, we have been kindred spirits from the start. A bright, warm and sweet to the core soul, Brittany has an adventurous spirit and a knack for capturing and preserving moments.

We  arrived, we took the subway to Brooklyn, and for the first time, I didn’t get off and walk the wrong way for two blocks. Our first mission was FOOD, glorious food! We stopped in randomly to a place called the Northern Bell, and were delightfully surprised. Bellies full, we continued on, our destination on the left- The Living Room.

I started listening to the band The Still Tide when they were known as Yet Cut Breath a few years ago. It was one of those amazing moments when you heard a band’s music and felt like they understood absolutely every feeling you had. The sounds that come forth from these brilliant musicians blend and dance together- like a perfect ballet dance for your ears.

Jake’s echoing chords and riffs compliment Anna’s perfectly soulful voice that knows how to pluck your heart strings just right, and Aaron’s perfectly constructed and meticulous percussion provides the backbone of the whole operation. When you listen to their music, live or on CD, you’re left open-hearted and full.

And I didn’t even touch on the lyrics. As I’m writing this, the song Field of Bells off their new EP ‘Half Empty Rooms’ is playing- “If you can’t always find it, put your head against our hearts, look inside them/ If you worry that it’s broken, put your hands against your ribs and let ’em open you up/ let ’em open you up.” (Song Credit- Anna Morsett and Jake Miller).  For your own discovery, please see their website and get acquainted. TheStillTide.com

We arrived at the venue- a beautiful brick establishment with high ceilings, fairy lights and a cozy atmosphere. We checked in, and walked through a velvety red curtain to a cabaret style room. To our left, a bar up on a landing, and before us, tables and chairs laid out before a stage. The Still Tide was just beginning, so we quickly got our seats and settled in. I kept looking at Brittany, checking her reaction. I had sent her the band’s website to listen to some of their music ahead of time. Just as two people never read the same book, two people never listen to music the same way.

I love going to shows not having heard the music beforehand. I knew the band had a new EP, but I hadn’t heard it yet. There’s also a sense of joy as a an audience member going up to the group afterward and buying the music from them directly. (See the Amanda Palmer TED  talk, the Art of Asking). This band and their art has comforted me through break ups, new loves, sleepless nights, and long drives. The generosity of this group goes so far that they mentioned to the crowd in between songs, that people could just take the EP, even if they didn’t have the cash to pay for it.  They were really proud of it and wanted people to hear it.

After the band played their last song and broke down the stage, Brittany and I chatted, sharing our feelings and thoughts about everything that just happened. Loving that they covered a song from Grease, adoring the song with the guest xylophone player, giggling at Anna’s jokes, Jake’s perfect dancing, Aaron’s joyful facial expressions as he drummed. We gave what we had to the donation jar, and walked away with the new EP,  a beautiful poster and amazing experience for each of us.  When they disembarked from the stage, hugs and love and “so happy to see you’s” and “Thank you for comings” were exchanged, and carried on for a bit in the bar.

Eventually, we said our good nights, our final thank yous and collected the last of the hugs. Embarking for home, Brittany and I practically danced down Metropolitan ave to the subway. It made me so happy to hear that she’d loved the entire experience, and that she loved Brooklyn and hoped that we could have an adventure like this again. (You can read her account of the night on her blog!)

The Still Tide is currently headed to Europe for the next seven weeks. If you’re reading this from over there, please, please, go see them.

Before last night, it had been quite a while since I had jumped a train and gone to a show. The nights that I spend going to shows and seeing bands play are the nights I always remember the best, the fondest- the connections made, the way certain songs made me feel  (based on whatever was happening in my life at the time), and the exchange of love between audience and artist is something that is absolutely priceless.

To The Girl I Loved, Played, And Lost

Wow. I read this blog today and it just blew my mind. It’s an amazing piece. This is the tragedy of the games people play in love. This is the sadness and the regret that I think everyone can relate to, at one point or another in their life.

Thought Catalog

Our game was going well. I texted just enough to keep you interested. We went out just enough to keep it fresh. I played it perfectly. Yet now, our last night together, as I drive you home, I knew I had lost. You’ve barely said a word. You’ve looked at me once, only to make sure I knew the way. And now, as I drop you off, I lean in and apologize. For everything. For tonight. For every night before. You smile weakly and say it’s okay, that you’re not upset or anything, but I know better. How did we get here?

I knew how it worked. I knew all your tells. I knew all the little tricks to drive you crazy, crazy for me. It was a game, and I was in control. Right from the start I didn’t even so much as look at you. I talked and…

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